The rejection was heartbreaking.
He felt not just emotional scar but actual physical pain.
How could this happen to him?
Dani had always been a star student. In school, teachers mentioned him as an example for others. They would have high hopes from him and he would always live up to their expectations.
The rejection letter from Ivy League university was in front of him and it looked like his whole world had shattered.
How would he face his friends, his teachers and mainly his parents who were certain of his admission?
What about his own goals and plans that were all connected to this admission?
He felt like a failure and worst, as he failed where it mattered most.
We all experience times when life knocks us down and we feel like that is the end of world.
However, is that really the end of the world?
Resilience is the skill that helps us get back on our feet and continue going no matter what.
Resilience is not just a skill — it is a lifelong gift that everyone must have, and they should teach their kids.
Think about it — your child failing to get back from big setback; like Dani getting rejected admission in his dream university, or someone refused from their dream job or someone rejected by one’s lover.
These are all examples of huge setbacks — getting back up from these definitely makes you stronger.
However, it is not just the large things or events in our lives that build our resilience, rather everyday mundane tasks.
Fears, frustrations, and failures are part of your children’s daily life, but how they respond to these fears and failures, makes or breaks them as a resilient person.
Struggling to learn to ride a bike, frustration in doing homework or solving a puzzle, not being picked-up in a team, losing a game or competition, failing to make new friends, dealing with unfairness, coping with change or simply fear of trying new activity are few examples that show how our kids respond to challenges.
How we teach our kids to respond to these small daily life struggles, will eventually shape their future.
Apart from getting back on one’s feet after being knocked-down, there are numerous advantages of building resilience.
- It makes kids more confident as they know how to face challenges.Resilient kids have higher self-esteem as they have strong sense of self-worth and they believe in their ability to handle challenges that come their way.
- They are able to better understand and regulate their emotions.They stay calm and composed during difficult situations.Instead of being overwhelmed by emotions; frustration, anger or disappointment, they understand and manage their feelings in better way.
- They develop a problem solving mindset and they approach challenges with that mindset.This helps them in assessing situation, thinking critically and coming up with solutions rather than feeling defeated.
- They are better able to handle stress, pressure and anxiety and have overall better coping skills.
- Resilient kids have growth mindset, which helps them to learn and grow continuously.They believe that any obstacle is an opportunity to learn and grow.
- They are more adaptable and flexible when faced with change.Whether it is adjusting to new school, making new friends, adapting to different social situations or coping with family changes, they can adjust more easily compared to other kids.
- Resilience is directly linked to academic success.As the resilient kids have “do not give up easily” attitude, they persist through academic difficulties and less likely to be discouraged by academic failures.
- Resilient kids are less likely to experience long-term anxiety and depression.Their ability to manage stress, process emotions, and seek help makes them better to deal with emotional setbacks.
- They feel sense of responsibility and independence as they face challenges and overcome them.
- They are more likely to take calculated risks and thus are usually in better positon to benefit from opportunities that come their way later in life.
- Generally, resilient kids have positive attitude and hold optimistic view of life. They understand setbacks are temporary and take challenges as opportunities.
There are many ways of building resilience in children.
Some of the practical ways are as follows:
- Teach Emotional Intelligence:
Emotional intelligence is a fundamental skill that helps children become more resilient.
Not just that child becomes more aware of their emotions; they also learn to be able to regulate their emotions. - Encourage problem-solving skills:Avoid rushing to solve their problems right away – help them solve their problems themselves.Guide them to come up with solutions on their own.Teach them that failure is natural part of learning process.Ask them questions, which prompt their critical thinking skills. Questions like why, how, and what will develop independent thinking.
- Give challenges:
Given them small physical or analytical challenges.Encourage them to solve puzzles, riddles, and push them to overcome physical age appropriate obstacles.Overcoming smaller challenges will gradually build their resilience. - Create safe environment for risk-taking:
Encourage trying new things even if it means making mistakes, and push them past their comfort zone.Ask them to make new friends, help them evaluate risks themselves while trying a new activity and assist them to take risks that prompt growth without being reckless. - Praise efforts, not just results:
This is very important in connection with problem solving, physical challenges and risk taking.Praising efforts encourage them to start something new, build confidence and not just worry too much about results. - Build strong parent child relationship:
Having strong parent child relationship and other supportive relationships with trusted adults (teachers, relatives) provide a safety net of support when they face adversary.They will be in better position to seek help if needed from this support system. - Give responsibilities:
Age appropriate chores and responsibilities give children sense of competence and accomplishment.They learn about responsibility and accountability and feel confident that they are contributing member of house/ society. - Celebrate small wins:
Acknowledge when children handle challenges well and appreciate them when they show resilience in face of difficult situation.This reinforces their belief in their ability to overcome obstacles.Give them a reward, take them to their favorite place or make a visual board (with pictures or cards) of their proud moments. - Practice and teach mindfulness:
When they are more mindful, they are more aware and present and less anxious of future. - Practice calming techniques:
Teach your kids to practice deep breathing, meditation (as per age) or any other calming techniques that will help them learn to respond to stressful situations instead of reacting. - Teach hope and optimism:
Practice gratitude; teach them to have positive outlook at life. Teach them to shift focus from challenges and see beyond current difficulties. - Practice resilience yourself:
No matter what we teach, our children learn by following our actions.If we are not practicing resilience ourselves, our words will have no meaning. Being a good resilient role model is the best way to teach resilience to your kids.
What Dani faced was without doubt a huge setback – and life has a way of surprisingly knock our children down sometimes small, other times big.
However, how our children respond to it will define their future.
Imagine watching your child face a challenge with courage and determination instead of fear and frustration.
That is the power of resilience—and it is something we can teach them.
Let us promise today that no matter the obstacles, we will strive to help our children become resilient, strong, confident, and unstoppable.